Steam Black Glutinous Brownies (Brownies Kukus Ketan Hitam) no food additives

I bought the black glutinous flour few weeks back, but have not had the feel to bake. Yesterday as I was browsing for new recipe, I found this interesting receipt from http://ummufatima-mysimplykitchen.blogspot.com blog. The recipe can be found in her blog. This is my first time backing black flutinous brownies, surprisingly it was a success :). I used margarine instead of oil since I still have left over margarine in my storage. The texture is like describe in Ummu's blog. Thank you Ummu for the perfect recipe. I will surely keep it in my recipe book.

My dad love it, he said taste like coffee? I told him is chocolate & cocoa powder.

Healthy, delicious brownies :)

Lunch @ Poulet Chinatown Point

1. Sauteed mushroom with poached egg
2. BBQ Chicken (I forgot whats the menu name)
3. Tuna Sandwich

One fine Saturday, I had lunch with my bestfriend for almost 15 years now...She is my secondary classmate in Singapore.

The entree was my favourites among the 3 menus we ordered. I love the texture of the sauteed mushroom, soft and chewy with the melted eggyolk completes the dish. BBQ chicken or actually roasted chicken is a big portion for 1 person, but if you are sharing will be just great. The cream sauce is only a thin layer on the plate which make the roasted chicken not soggy.

The Tuna Sandwich is a disappointment as it just taste like a croissant that you buy from bakery and filled with can tuna, I didnot enjoy this sandwich. I feel that Delifrance Tuna Sandwich leave me a better memory than this one. I had not eaten Delifrance for years, but I still remember that their croissant has the right texture and heat when they serve you. I must say the potato chips are fried with the right temperature, so thankfully the sandwich is serve with a crunchy chips to cover up for the disappointing sandwich.

Poulet Restaurant in Chinatown Point, will be one of visited restaurant when I am in Singapore :)

Eat moderately and appreciate them with every bite ....

You can't runaway from Death

Recently my cousin who is only 34 years old pass away suddenly...its a tragic news for his family especially for his mother who has just came back from a short tour to Vietnam. He pass away peacefully one day after his holiday trip with his mother. Probably due to block artery to his brain, as he had a mini stroke while he was in Vietnam, but thanks to miracle of some vitamin, his stroke recover quickly, though he should have gone to the doctor when he came back from holiday. He has escape death once, when he had a single car accident two years ago...broke one of his leg badly. He was strong to fight back for good health though he was unable to control his smoking addiction...

My point of view of this event is that he has been freed from this harsh world and happily living in Heaven with his father and a new mother who was send by God to accompany him in Heaven.

He pass away on the 8th May 2013, stored in Cold room number 8, Funeral room number 8...what a sweet number 888...to make it surprisingly coincidence, the Funeral room next door is an old lady with the same name as his mother...That is why I feel that God is so kind to him, to send him another mother to guide him in Heaven.

Last words from his sister before the cremation, My cousin is a good and though guy, man of a little words but show his care through actions...and he has fully completed his tasks in this world and little sins so God call him to be with his side. A man who care for his mother, sisters, nieces will always be remembered beautifully. We on the other hand still have tasks and many sins that we are left to live in this world.

Lets do our part a God's children to make this world a better and peaceful place to live in.

May my cousin Rest In Peace in Heaven.

Thank you God for giving me the live and family who still care for me....

Stuck between the 70s and 21st Century

Its been a while since my last post. My life seems has not been moving anywhere. Living and helping my parents in their small hardware shop and feeling miserable. Some people say that God will not give us a challenge beyond our limit, I hope its true as I have no more strength to carry on with this condition.

Daily, I set my alarm at 6.30 am, but really I will be wide awake only at 8am...Waking up sometimes feeling useless and little motivation, deeply I know that I have to be strong for myself. I worked with my parents for almost 2 years now and the last 1 year almost unpaid except for the transfer in Jan 13. The reason the transfer stopped, my mom thinks that I use the money for someone else. Its my money its my right? Or her right to make her daughter miserable? 2 years ago I gave up my job who can support me well to return to my hometown to help their business. Did not turn out too good, they are angry with me for dating someone that they dont like.

The truth about marriage in Indonesia, especially Chinese traditional family is still about the parents preference rather than the daughter's true happiness. They still believe in "SIFU" who can predict other people lives and sometimes come close to ruining the mother-daughter relationship. To make it worse, we need lots of paper work from the local council and also letter of approval from parents to get marriage.

My parents repeatedly mentioned that they will dis-own me if I choose to marry this man that I love. Shattered between my parents and boyfriend, often ending up shedding tears and having panda eyes in the morning >< Few uncles has tried to open up my parents close minded brain, yet they have no respond.

One word...I tried to go on but I am too tired to fight on :(

I won't give up worshiping

Yesterday was horrid, I felt so depressed and angry with myself. Thank God after talking to a close friend, I was still able to move myself to attend the dharma class held in my house of worship. A guest priest, gave me light and hope to go on to worship and believe that my problems will be solved by my GOD.

I find peace in my house of worship, I longed for a love from a family and more from a mother. The argument yesterday started with a small argument. I just wanted to get some gift for a friend who is coming from overseas to visit her parents and my mom felt that its not important. I felt she forgot that when my sister came for visit, their mom gave my sister a give for her daughter. She just dont know how to give a little more...So I asked my father and later mom just said don't need to meddle ... the argument happened in their shop. I suddently blurred out, "dont you want our relationship to get better?" then mom said " you eat your dad's heart by not listening to them to break up with my current boyfriend"

The story behind this is, my mom went to some fortune teller to ask about my boyfriend and me, and supposedly 2-3 of them said that our future is not good. One said that we have potential to divorce, for God sake, we are not even married and they can say we will be divorce? Are they GOD???? I HATE FORTUNE TELLER....I feel that my life is ruin by those who believe in Fortune teller and those Fortune tellers.

Although I am not Christian, sometimes I feel that being Christian is the best, they do not believe in Fortune teller and marriage seem to be so much easier for them than those that believe in Fortune Teller to predict their future. Our lives pathway can change depending our actions ...

I have heart ached and gastric pain ... it comes and go ...I have been having hives attacked for the past few weeks, I suspect is my depression getting to its toll. I hope GOD will help me and bring me miracle.

Just when I am about to give up in GOD, there are people around me to remind me that GOD will not give his child a challenge that he/she can't overcome. Thank you God for giving me this problems, I believe it will help me to become a better and stronger person. :)

Eggless Mango Chocochip Muffin

Baking eases my stress...
One of my attempts to bake eggless muffin. I have adopted the recipe from http://www.holycowvegan.net/2011/07/mango-muffins.html
I substitute nutmeg with cinnamon powder. It taste just great :).
Moist and dense, I love it and the smell of mango lingers while eating them.

BALANCING WORK AND FAMILY

Well balance of work and family is it achievable?

Living in a family with a workaholic mother is difficult. I sometimes do not understand why she prefer to still manage everything by herself. Employees seems to be redundant to her. Since young I was brought up in a family with both working parents. Most of it are handled by my mother, as I grow older, I realize that I do not know who is my "mother" as a person. Daily she works from morning 8am to 4pm in the shop and after tea time, she will be back to the warehouse for to check of new goods coming in and return home between 8-9pm, as for today she went to the warehouse at 9pm and return 10pm+ with our househelper who is still young. After checking and sometimes arranging the warehouse, she still come home to do some book keeping. My dad only helped in the day time in the shop as he has some health issues.

We hardly sit down on a dining table as a family....I spend most of the time eating lunch/ dinner with my dad only. We do not go out for dinner as a family either. I do feel jealous with my friends who often have dinner as a family...so loving and happy. I miss those time I was living overseas with my guardian, where I joined her big family for dinner. I feel the warmth of a loving family. They put a limit to work and make sure they have family time to enjoy together.

As the year goes by, I have seen her as an evil creature in the house. When she leaves for short trip, I feel peace in my heart to be living with my dad for few days. There are times when she shouted at me, I feel that I want her to be gone from this world. Her words is as sharp as a knife and sometimes without realizing, when we argue my words is also as sharp as a knife slicing her hearts. It just backfire her and she is mad at me for shouting at her...

Yes, she brings the income and manage our family wealth, but she immense herself in this working world that I could not see who she was anymore. I feel so angry to be borne in this family. My two other sisters already married and living overseas. They did not understand what I am going through. One of them never even experienced living with her parents as a grown up. She has been living overseas since 12yo.

I love my Dad so much, but he can be naggy at times, we still talk and have conversation during lunch or dinner. Even though we have disagreement about my boyfriend, we still talk like normal father daughter. I feel worried about his health, his both kidneys are not working 100%. What he eats will affect his health, I have told my mother what should be avoided, but sometimes she still cooks evil food for my dad's kidneys.

Thank GOD I have a boyfriend who is helping me with this ordeal. He is helping me to LOVE my mother once again. Teaching me to accept who my mother is as a person, maybe she there to teach me to become a better person.

Dear GOD I really need you to bless our broken family. To bring back the Happy Girl I used to be...
THANK YOU GOD