Yesterday was horrid, I felt so depressed and angry with myself. Thank God after talking to a close friend, I was still able to move myself to attend the dharma class held in my house of worship. A guest priest, gave me light and hope to go on to worship and believe that my problems will be solved by my GOD.
I find peace in my house of worship, I longed for a love from a family and more from a mother. The argument yesterday started with a small argument. I just wanted to get some gift for a friend who is coming from overseas to visit her parents and my mom felt that its not important. I felt she forgot that when my sister came for visit, their mom gave my sister a give for her daughter. She just dont know how to give a little more...So I asked my father and later mom just said don't need to meddle ... the argument happened in their shop. I suddently blurred out, "dont you want our relationship to get better?" then mom said " you eat your dad's heart by not listening to them to break up with my current boyfriend"
The story behind this is, my mom went to some fortune teller to ask about my boyfriend and me, and supposedly 2-3 of them said that our future is not good. One said that we have potential to divorce, for God sake, we are not even married and they can say we will be divorce? Are they GOD???? I HATE FORTUNE TELLER....I feel that my life is ruin by those who believe in Fortune teller and those Fortune tellers.
Although I am not Christian, sometimes I feel that being Christian is the best, they do not believe in Fortune teller and marriage seem to be so much easier for them than those that believe in Fortune Teller to predict their future. Our lives pathway can change depending our actions ...
I have heart ached and gastric pain ... it comes and go ...I have been having hives attacked for the past few weeks, I suspect is my depression getting to its toll. I hope GOD will help me and bring me miracle.
Just when I am about to give up in GOD, there are people around me to remind me that GOD will not give his child a challenge that he/she can't overcome. Thank you God for giving me this problems, I believe it will help me to become a better and stronger person. :)
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Eggless Mango Chocochip Muffin
One of my attempts to bake eggless muffin. I have adopted the recipe from http://www.holycowvegan.net/2011/07/mango-muffins.html
I substitute nutmeg with cinnamon powder. It taste just great :).
Moist and dense, I love it and the smell of mango lingers while eating them.
Monday, November 5, 2012
BALANCING WORK AND FAMILY
Well balance of work and family is it achievable?
Living in a family with a workaholic mother is difficult. I sometimes do not understand why she prefer to still manage everything by herself. Employees seems to be redundant to her. Since young I was brought up in a family with both working parents. Most of it are handled by my mother, as I grow older, I realize that I do not know who is my "mother" as a person. Daily she works from morning 8am to 4pm in the shop and after tea time, she will be back to the warehouse for to check of new goods coming in and return home between 8-9pm, as for today she went to the warehouse at 9pm and return 10pm+ with our househelper who is still young. After checking and sometimes arranging the warehouse, she still come home to do some book keeping. My dad only helped in the day time in the shop as he has some health issues.
We hardly sit down on a dining table as a family....I spend most of the time eating lunch/ dinner with my dad only. We do not go out for dinner as a family either. I do feel jealous with my friends who often have dinner as a family...so loving and happy. I miss those time I was living overseas with my guardian, where I joined her big family for dinner. I feel the warmth of a loving family. They put a limit to work and make sure they have family time to enjoy together.
As the year goes by, I have seen her as an evil creature in the house. When she leaves for short trip, I feel peace in my heart to be living with my dad for few days. There are times when she shouted at me, I feel that I want her to be gone from this world. Her words is as sharp as a knife and sometimes without realizing, when we argue my words is also as sharp as a knife slicing her hearts. It just backfire her and she is mad at me for shouting at her...
Yes, she brings the income and manage our family wealth, but she immense herself in this working world that I could not see who she was anymore. I feel so angry to be borne in this family. My two other sisters already married and living overseas. They did not understand what I am going through. One of them never even experienced living with her parents as a grown up. She has been living overseas since 12yo.
I love my Dad so much, but he can be naggy at times, we still talk and have conversation during lunch or dinner. Even though we have disagreement about my boyfriend, we still talk like normal father daughter. I feel worried about his health, his both kidneys are not working 100%. What he eats will affect his health, I have told my mother what should be avoided, but sometimes she still cooks evil food for my dad's kidneys.
Thank GOD I have a boyfriend who is helping me with this ordeal. He is helping me to LOVE my mother once again. Teaching me to accept who my mother is as a person, maybe she there to teach me to become a better person.
Dear GOD I really need you to bless our broken family. To bring back the Happy Girl I used to be...
THANK YOU GOD
Living in a family with a workaholic mother is difficult. I sometimes do not understand why she prefer to still manage everything by herself. Employees seems to be redundant to her. Since young I was brought up in a family with both working parents. Most of it are handled by my mother, as I grow older, I realize that I do not know who is my "mother" as a person. Daily she works from morning 8am to 4pm in the shop and after tea time, she will be back to the warehouse for to check of new goods coming in and return home between 8-9pm, as for today she went to the warehouse at 9pm and return 10pm+ with our househelper who is still young. After checking and sometimes arranging the warehouse, she still come home to do some book keeping. My dad only helped in the day time in the shop as he has some health issues.
We hardly sit down on a dining table as a family....I spend most of the time eating lunch/ dinner with my dad only. We do not go out for dinner as a family either. I do feel jealous with my friends who often have dinner as a family...so loving and happy. I miss those time I was living overseas with my guardian, where I joined her big family for dinner. I feel the warmth of a loving family. They put a limit to work and make sure they have family time to enjoy together.
As the year goes by, I have seen her as an evil creature in the house. When she leaves for short trip, I feel peace in my heart to be living with my dad for few days. There are times when she shouted at me, I feel that I want her to be gone from this world. Her words is as sharp as a knife and sometimes without realizing, when we argue my words is also as sharp as a knife slicing her hearts. It just backfire her and she is mad at me for shouting at her...
Yes, she brings the income and manage our family wealth, but she immense herself in this working world that I could not see who she was anymore. I feel so angry to be borne in this family. My two other sisters already married and living overseas. They did not understand what I am going through. One of them never even experienced living with her parents as a grown up. She has been living overseas since 12yo.
I love my Dad so much, but he can be naggy at times, we still talk and have conversation during lunch or dinner. Even though we have disagreement about my boyfriend, we still talk like normal father daughter. I feel worried about his health, his both kidneys are not working 100%. What he eats will affect his health, I have told my mother what should be avoided, but sometimes she still cooks evil food for my dad's kidneys.
Thank GOD I have a boyfriend who is helping me with this ordeal. He is helping me to LOVE my mother once again. Teaching me to accept who my mother is as a person, maybe she there to teach me to become a better person.
Dear GOD I really need you to bless our broken family. To bring back the Happy Girl I used to be...
THANK YOU GOD
Sunday, November 4, 2012
WEALTH VS FAMILY
MONEY is one of the main issues in our life today. One say that without money you cannot be happy...but let us take a look at those children in the third world countries...they have not seen the luxury, therefore they are contented with the little things that they have and living their life with full of smile and laughter. We that live in the big city with all the luxurious things to enjoy, sometimes still complain we have not had enough.
Once we grow richer, we are more wary about the people around us, are they making friends with us because of our money? Rich parents sometimes are so suspicious of their future son in law is only after their daughter wealth. There are such things as separate wealth management after marriage. However, there are many old fashion parents who actually worry more about losing their money rather than losing their beloved daughter. These parents are willing to abandon, mistreat, giving silent treatment to their daughter is she continue to date the man that she loves. Isn't sad? They are the one that bear the child and let her live in this world, yet they let her go through this suffering.
So what should this poor daughter do? Choose her family or the man that she loves? Choose her family to protect their wealth or marry the man that she loves but taking chances that her mother will disown her?
As we grow, we have to overcome challenges that come true our live, for one thing I know, we always have our God to protect and listen to our problems.
May God Bless this broken road.....
Once we grow richer, we are more wary about the people around us, are they making friends with us because of our money? Rich parents sometimes are so suspicious of their future son in law is only after their daughter wealth. There are such things as separate wealth management after marriage. However, there are many old fashion parents who actually worry more about losing their money rather than losing their beloved daughter. These parents are willing to abandon, mistreat, giving silent treatment to their daughter is she continue to date the man that she loves. Isn't sad? They are the one that bear the child and let her live in this world, yet they let her go through this suffering.
So what should this poor daughter do? Choose her family or the man that she loves? Choose her family to protect their wealth or marry the man that she loves but taking chances that her mother will disown her?
As we grow, we have to overcome challenges that come true our live, for one thing I know, we always have our God to protect and listen to our problems.
May God Bless this broken road.....
Friday, August 3, 2012
WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
WHAT IS MARRIAGE? About the couple getting married? or about the parents getting married to the son in law?
It seems that in the EAST side of this world that marriage is still about the parents getting married to the future son in law...
In today's world, match making still exist, but how can a parent introduce their daughter to someone that is under stress and not even good looking. (Not that I am trying to mock those born with ugly face) But if you are a parent, definitely you would want your daughter to marry someone that is good looking and at least can think normally.
Today I found out that the guy that was introduce to me last week, he is under stress as his previous girlfriend was approved by his parents. It was over dinner, I purposely came late for dinner. I had notice that he eat like a small kid. His plate is so messy and left rice all over his plate. I am learning to be a Buddhist, so we are thought that every grain of rice is precious. We should not waste it, as there are many other kids in other countries that has nothing to eat.
I only hope that my parents could be sober and grateful that their daughter has already chosen her life partner that is best for her, though may not be the perfect criteria for her parents.
Thank you God for the great day today :)
XOXOXO
HL
It seems that in the EAST side of this world that marriage is still about the parents getting married to the future son in law...
In today's world, match making still exist, but how can a parent introduce their daughter to someone that is under stress and not even good looking. (Not that I am trying to mock those born with ugly face) But if you are a parent, definitely you would want your daughter to marry someone that is good looking and at least can think normally.
Today I found out that the guy that was introduce to me last week, he is under stress as his previous girlfriend was approved by his parents. It was over dinner, I purposely came late for dinner. I had notice that he eat like a small kid. His plate is so messy and left rice all over his plate. I am learning to be a Buddhist, so we are thought that every grain of rice is precious. We should not waste it, as there are many other kids in other countries that has nothing to eat.
I only hope that my parents could be sober and grateful that their daughter has already chosen her life partner that is best for her, though may not be the perfect criteria for her parents.
Thank you God for the great day today :)
XOXOXO
HL
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